btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
