Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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