did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
