Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
