Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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