Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
