yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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