I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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