she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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