oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
