Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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