What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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