so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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