I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
