Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
