it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
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