just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
