you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
