His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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