I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
