You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
