It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Randomize
