I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
time to smoke my breakfast
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
My life is pants optional.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
