Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
In other news, I just burned my penis
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
