dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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