can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
