Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
