Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
