i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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