so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
