I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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