I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
