so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
