Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
