i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
