The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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