I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
