I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i barfeds in our rink
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
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