Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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