i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How does one acquire holy water?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
