maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
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She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
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You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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