just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
