yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
