she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
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