At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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