Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
