She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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