roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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