I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize