I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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