I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
