I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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