i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
