oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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