no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
