I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
