So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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