I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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