Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
im on a boat
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