oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
