I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Randomize
