I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize