the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
