Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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