I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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