the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
