I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
